🍂Turquoise Trail Tales: Current Events: The Many Faces of Trump

Monday, October 22, 2018

Current Events: The Many Faces of Trump

Recently Donald Trump has resorted to calling women silly and derogatory names again, this time referring to Stephanie Clifford (aka Stormy Daniels) as "Horseface". Frankly, I do not see a whole lot of difference between the facial features of Ms. Clifford and Melania Trump, other than the fact that the former has slightly rounder eyes and slightly less angular features than the latter:

Image at left from Extra News Today; image at right from Daily Mail.

(And seriously, does anyone actually believe it was Ms. Clifford's face that first attracted the Donald's attention?)

But I am more interested in finding an appropriate epithet for Trump, since the man seems to think that everyone should have a nickname (perhaps because he has trouble recalling their given names?).

Let's take a look at some possibilities:

Image at right from Piknu

Much as I know this particular nickname would gall the president no end (he really seems to dislike dogs), I have too much respect for dogs to refer to the man as "DOGFACE".

"The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs." - Charles de Gaulle

Here is another option:

Image at right from iStockphoto

While the resemblance is uncanny, I would hate to insult an intelligent animal like the pig by calling Trump "PIGFACE".

"I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." - Winston Churchill

The next choice could be a contender:

Image at right from Big World Tale

This one is tempting, but one of my brothers had pet rats when we were young, and they were actually quite pleasant, friendly, curious creatures who do not deserve to be demeaned in this way, so I say no to calling the Donald "RATFACE".

"The major difference between rats and people is that rats learn from experience." - B.F. Skinner

So let's step away from the animal kingdom for now and try something completely different:

Image at right from Ace Columns

Another amazing resemblance, right down to the orange skin and weird hairdo! However, that jack o' lantern looks so much nicer than our feckless leader. Even a carved pumpkin does not deserve the indignity of such a comparison. While the quote below could have been written especially for Trump, "PUMPKINHEAD" still does not seem quite right to me.

"Keep away from Pumpkinhead,

Unless you're tired of living.

His enemies are mostly dead,

He's mean and unforgiving.

Laugh at him and you're undone,

But in some dreadful fashion.

Vengeance, he considers fun,

And plans it with a passion..."

(excerpt from the poem that inspired the 1988 movie "Pumpkinhead")

I think we may be on the right track with a Halloween theme, so let's consider another option:

Image at right from Autographs Markus Brandes

The weird hairdo, the fake-looking skin, the multiple chin wattles, the soulless eyes, the gaping mouth - this one is so close! There is nothing cute, intelligent, friendly, or nice about this Halloween horror, and Trump does seem to have an unholy and almost fawning affinity for brutal killers (Putin, Kim, Duterte, MbS, and who knows how many others), so could "LEATHERFACE" be the Trump nickname we have been seeking?

"[Leatherface] never became an adult. He was like Baby Huey." (quote from director Tobe Hooper about the Leatherface character in his "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" movies, which I have never seen and, after reading their descriptions, am sure I never will!)

Baby Huey - eerily similar to the Trump baby blimp (from Alchetron).

But wait! I have one more choice, and I really think this might be it, so back to the animal kingdom once more:

Image at right from Hanslodge Cliparts

That blank stare, the pointy nose, the puckered mouth, such a thick chin - oh my goodness, I do believe we have finally found Donald Trump's perfect match! I think we have a winner here, folks.