Current Events: This Is News?

Photos from Cranberry Moon and KPBS (John Moore / Getty Images)

I rarely feel the need to comment about political issues.  I believe we all have the right to our own opinions and there really are no right or wrong positions, only differing ones.  Recently, however, the stories in the news have taken such an absurd turn that I just couldn't resist putting my own nonsensical spin on things.  First up is the GOP candidates.  I am starting to think that they would all be better off if we went back to the days when the candidates just smiled, shook hands, and said as little as possible except to ask for your vote.  Romney's comments about Planned Parenthood and cheesy grits, Santorum seeming to go out of his way to offend women and Hispanics, Gingrich's moon colony idea -- these guys just can't seem to stop shooting off their mouths/shooting themselves in the foot/inserting said feet into aforementioned mouths.

After the Etch A Sketch incident plus Santorum's "Keep Obama" statement, I have taken to calling the front runners the Three Stooges (plus Ron Paul as Shemp the backup Stooge, should a replacement be needed).  They really are their own worst enemies.  Could it really be just a coincidence that the Three Stooges movie is due out next month?  I think not!  We will all get the chance to decide which group of knuckleheads can come up with the most ridiculous antics, although in this case I'm afraid art may just be a pale imitation of real life!

And then there is the current outrage over the shooting of an unarmed boy by a vigilante in Florida.  There is nothing funny about this incident -- the situation is tragic, and it is clear that something must be done to prevent such events from happening again.  What is a joke is the way Florida's "stand your ground" law is being interpreted to mean armed zealots have the legal right to pursue and kill unarmed and innocent private citizens based on poorly informed snap judgments.  And it's still not funny.

I have never really understood the need to carry a gun around everywhere.  I have enough stuff that must come with me wherever I go -- I just cannot see adding a gun to that collection.  Not only would I probably be unable to reach for it in a timely manner, I know that I have terrible aim and would most likely miss any object I attempted to shoot.  That is why I have decided that if I must carry a weapon with me, it will have to be a hand grenade.  All I would need to do is throw it in the general direction of my target, and problem solved!  Of course, once my grenade went off there might not be any ground left to stand on, but that's a minor detail, right?  Why should I be discriminated against just because I can't aim a gun?  I demand my right to equal protection -- I demand my right to carry a hand grenade!

Give Us Ladies A Grenade (or GULAG for short)!

Photo from Trend de la Crème

Absurd?  Of course!  But that seems to be the name of the game in the news lately, so why buck the trend?  Thank goodness I've gotten this out of my system -- now I can return to topics I truly enjoy!